Satire War & Peace

Israelites Pray for Gaza After Bloody War

Featured image by Gloucester2Gaza.

The troops of Israel have retreated but stand their ground, protected by drones and tanks, having fulfilled their mission to destroy the terror tunnels used by terrorist organization Hamas to plot the destruction of Israel and to kill Israelites. It is a good coincidence that the most recent ceasefire agreement came at the same time as completing their mission.

Egypt brokered a 72-hour ceasefire with the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) earlier this week and will be hosting continued peace negotiations in Cairo, that is, if Hamas does not spoil it first. Israel is humbly working with PLO despite their association with a terrorist organization, as Israel does not negotiate with terrorists.

A previous humanitarian ceasefire brokered by United Nations fell apart within hours, due to the abduction of Israeli soldier Hadar Goldin. The IDF continued their ground offensive while Hamas launched rockets. It is merely a coincidence that Goldin was killed in battle, not abducted after all.

Hamas rejected two previous deals from Egypt. One proposal, brokered by Secretary Kerry, offered concessions to Hamas but it wasn’t good enough for them.

Hamas is now threatening to continue the rocket offensive tomorrow if their demands are not unconditionally met by Israel and Egypt alike. Hamas wants the strategic border blockade removed that keeps Arabs living in the Gaza Strip from invading Israel. Israel wants Hamas disarmed so that Palestine has no military operations against Israel. Israel has offered an extension to the ceasefire without any new concessions. Hamas states they have “nothing to lose.”

Israel must now rebuild a their landscape devastated by more than 3,000 rockets fired from Gaza. Although the vast majority of rockets either fell into rural fields or were destroyed by the Iron Dome, reconassaince workers are going to put in extra hours cleaning up shells and debris.

The grieving families of six Israeli civilians killed in attacks are beginning to live their lives in peace again. 41 injured people must cheer up with get well soon cards and miss days off from work. The families of 64 dead Israeli soldiers are proud but grieving as the most recent war with terror winds to a close.

The people of Gaza were warned in advance of every strike by Israeli defense and security forces and civilians aren’t wedged in between borders and the sea as much as you would think. Thanks to precision targeting, only 1,900 Palestinians died and 9,800 were injured out of a total population of 1.8 million.

Videos are surfacing that demonstrate Hamas setting up urban rocket launch sites, proving that Hamas uses civilians as shields.

The Israeli response comes with the greatest rocket launching capabilities Hamas has ever acheived. Israel holds nuclear weaponry. It could have been worse is all I’m saying.

594,000 lives were saved as they were displaced from war zones. The remainder will now have reconstruction jobs if relief funds pour in internationally.

President Obama states that Gaza is “walled off” and could not remain as such forever, suggesting that Palestine must grow into a self-sustained nation for long-term peace to be established. But that is silly because of course they have to remain walled off because terrorism and a Palestinian nation will never happen and it goes to show why Obama’s foreign policy approval rating hit a new low.

Since 2009, there has been relative peace in Gaza. A 2012 resurgence of terror caused a similar response from Israel. Increased rocket attacks since the beginning of the year and the death of three Israeli teenagers in June caused Israel to begin air strikes in July. Rocket attacks dramatically increased throughout July and ground troops were deployed to destroy the terror tunnels and degrade terrorist infrastructure, like electricity, sewage, and mosques.

These tunnels have nothing to do with economic blockades that disable Palestinians from developing their own economic partnerships. These are terror tunnels.

The death of three Israeli teenagers in June might have been retribution for two dead Palestinian teenagers that were caught up in violence during anti-Israel protests in March. The IDF regrets the violence but is not responsible for it.

This article is dry satire aimed merely to illustrate how easy it is to obscure information by presenting opinion as fact, a reference to stylistic journalism common among conservative media.

Sean Ongley

By Sean Ongley

Co-Founder of THRU Media. A background in non-profit, music, and radio preceded my ambitions here. Now, I aspire to produce new media and publish independent journalism at this site and beyond.

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